So recently (not that recent) I found myself an app used more for sheer amusement than anything. I say this because my original intention of use was more misguided and shallow than I would usually like to admit. Listening to the satellite radio, a conversation ensued that brought up what was essentially being touted as a hook up app by one of the participants of the dialogue. Intrigued because regardless of my own maturation, the biological need that often gets associated with negative adjectives still waned in the back of my mind. Not the need for connection or emotional stimulation, just the sheer release of physical biological vigor. In Layman’s Terms, really just wanted to get off. So the process of uploading pictures, creating a short (and most often bullshit) biography begins, because without that what are we looking at? Nothing but someone’s name and a silhouette of a generic human avatar. Add a few other choice self identifying facts and off we go into the digital booty call world. Here’s where the fun begins. Swipe left, swipe right, go by physical appearance only. How efficient is that? Regardless of my only wanting one thing I should still at minimum be able to stand being around them long enough to get to the deed.
As I am sure experiences differ from geographical locations, recurring themes seem to stand out swipe after swipe. From what I’ve noticed, the trails in the mountains that surround my cozy humble abode should be teaming with hikers. Seriously, and in all sizes, religions, or geographical backgrounds. It doesn’t matter if they are a queer asexual “them”, or a Bible verse away from perfection. It also doesn’t matter if they are 90 lbs soaking wet or 300 lbs bone dry, the trails are getting traversed by almost every female within 25 miles of my current location. On a side note I am also curious as to how many men are also “avid hikers”. I think my most humorous thought is that no person should ever get lost in the mountains of North Carolina. There are just too many people with backpacks strapped and yoga pants attached to avoid even inadvertently wandering off path.
Onward to the classification and strict adherence to the psychological profile. While admittedly I may be embellishing a bit on the strict aspect, but I am becoming enamored by the Briggs-Myer Indicator . Oh yes because I should know everything about you just from the 4 letters you put on there, which in almost every occasion I have to look up. Again this is part of my amusement due to my enjoyment of finding out what the hell it even means. While the searches have been done, and an occasional perusing of the basis and merits of said test, I have yet to have personally taken the test. What I have found though is that on multiple occasions the same prospects that display their four letters often have very little interest in you swiping them if one, yes, one interest differs from theirs. “If you like country music at all, swipe left” or my favorite “If you don’t have a dog in your profile pic, swipe left”. Seriously? My propensity to only put pictures of myself on a dating site is your swipe left action? Country music being the epitome of doomed relationship? Again, for my enjoyment only I suppose.
As I wrap up my thoughts, my last but definitely not least favorite observation is the “If you’re looking for a hook-up or relationship, swipe left” response. Also included in this is the “Just looking for friends/cool people to hang out with”. Um, do you realize what you’re on? An app whose Google result is Match. Chat. Meet. Modern Dating. Alternatively, geographically in an area filled with social clubs, breweries and constant stream of events scattered across the counties. While it may seem crazy, one radical idea would be step back from the phone and look around. People! Everywhere there are people! Read a review, hell google places to go. I can assure you there is somewhere that like-minded people share your same interests, perspectives and opinions. Also if I may add (as you the reader could have possibly said to yourself) it’s a dating site. While my misinformation led me to the disappointment of no hedonism or promiscuity by swipe, it is still after all….a dating site.
All these amusing antics and perspectives that could be written for days come from one app. The time wasted from reading profiles give great amusement provided no potential mates are actually being attempted. I do swipe right, but what woman actually wants someone that’s funny. My guess is that there is little to worry about on my behalf to actually perform or initiate conversation. Maybe you have another perspective. Join in and let me know what your opinion may be, or even better share any stories you may have. I’d love to hear em!